Coach’s Journal
Love at Work
I've not posted anything in the past two months. I told my brand consultant in November, "I'm sorry I've not posted anything this week." She said, "It's your website! No sorry required." It was like a deep breath that relaxes your shoulders down. All the muscles on my face relaxed too. It felt like I had to get a permission slip to pause when the choice was entirely mine.
We don't always love the work we have. Every so often though, and usually, on paydays, we are reminded of why we are grateful for the work we have. It provides for us and our loved ones.
We are usually only seen as the work we do - accountant, analyst. We want to be appreciated for who we are as people. We want to be noticed and feel loved.
If you're pretty sure others feel like this too, will you spread some love today and do a few random acts of kindness?
Some things we can do today:
Bring all your loose change and fill the vending machines at work with a few pesos for the next person.
If it looks like there will be rain today, bring an umbrella. Help a stranger with no umbrella to cross the street.
Give sincere compliments to people at work.
Look people in the eye when you greet them "Good morning" today.
Hug yourself at the end of the day and say, "I love you."
Let love spread today. This way, people get noticed. Our workplaces will, over time, be full of kindness and people who care about each other.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 19 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
The Pause
I've not posted anything in the past two months. I told my brand consultant in November, "I'm sorry I've not posted anything this week." She said, "It's your website! No sorry required." It was like a deep breath that relaxes your shoulders down. All the muscles on my face relaxed too. It felt like I had to get a permission slip to pause when the choice was entirely mine.
I've not posted anything in the past two months. I told my brand consultant in November, "I'm sorry I've not posted anything this week." She said, "It's your website. No sorry required." It was like a deep breath that relaxes your shoulders down. It felt like I had to get a permission slip to pause when the choice was entirely mine.
It was starting to become a chore. I've not made writing part of my daily mindfulness rituals. Systems are not in place to help me enjoy this on good days and power through on not-so-good ones.
Meanwhile, I have been pretty great at living in the analog world. I've taken better care of myself. I get at least eight hours of sleep every day, except last NY eve. I've been walking for a full hour in the mornings. I found some low-impact zero equipment workouts that I enjoyed. I tracked what I ate. All these things gave me more energy to be fully present with each person I spent these days with. Even when confined within the four corners of Zoom, I've been able to fill the virtual space with the energy to build beautiful connections.
Everything seems to be working just fine for me then, right? So why am I writing again now? I am a minimalist. This extends to my consumption, and now creation, of information. During this digital pause, I reflected on why I started doing this. Is that still meaningful to me? I realized it still is a crucial part of the inner work that needs to be done in my journey of becoming the future me.
No bullet points to share. Just a call to some much-deserved rest. Whatever that means for you. Give yourself a break. Strike a PAUSE.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 19 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
Do I really need a Coach?
Not everyone needs a Coach. I know a lot of successful, fulfilled, and happy people who just have it all going for them right now. They have balance. They are crystal clear about their goals and purpose in life. So when do you need one?
Not everyone needs a Coach. I know a lot of successful, fulfilled, and happy people who just have it all going for them right now. They have balance. They are crystal clear about their goals and purpose in life. Just like in that Lego movie, "Everything is awesome!"
Here are a few signs you DON’T need a Coach right now:
You do not foresee any major challenges coming up in the future.
You have a clear and perfectly curated path ahead of you.
You are surrounded by your favorite team of champions who can tell you about your blindspots.
On the other hand, you may need a Coach when:
You are stuck in a rut. Dark clouds seem to be everywhere, every day.
You can't seem to find time to define your purpose and goals in life. You are always caught in the whirlwind of endless daily tasks.
You seek more balance in your life.
You can't remember the last time you accomplished something significant or felt truly alive.
You are ready to set some bold goals and kick ass in 2022!
If you believe you need something to be radically different in the coming days, having a Coach can help you get there faster. Ruminating about all the things that aren't going well now does nothing but keep you stressed.
Einstein said, "The classic definition of crazy is to continue to do things the same way and expect different results."
Once you decide you need a Coach, finding the right one is the next important step. We’ll cover that soon!
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
Performance Reviews: Another HR admin work we aren't so fond of
Performance review activities are either ticked off a simple checklist or a series of battles culminating into a season finale battle at a grand arena filled with blood-thirsty spectators. Let’s change that, shall we?
It's the year-end performance review season. I can see your thought bubble. Tambak pa ang trabaho pero required to ng HR eh.
If that's how you feel about it, you are, of course, missing the point. I wore those shoes before too. I used to think these activities took me away from all the "real" work.
The performance review activities are either ticked off a simple checklist or a series of battles culminating into a season finale battle at a grand arena filled with blood-thirsty spectators. Let’s change this, shall we?
As a leader, I see it as a required pause. It is time to take an inventory of your wins and learnings as individuals, teams, and the organization as a whole. Frequently zooming out helps us assess whether we need to pivot or stay on track. The whirlwind, though, usually takes over our days. It becomes hard to find time to take a step back. How about making time for it? Consider it your “me-time.” Reflect on the past ten months and celebrate what you’ve accomplished so far. You deserve this pause.
Here are a few things that make the Performance Review season a meaningful pause for me.
Embrace it as an opportunity to celebrate my team and the work that we do. Make sure to include the discussion of your wins regularly during your team huddles. It makes taking an inventory easier when you have all the "wins" on your meeting minutes.
Identify our shortcomings, failures, and learnings. Openly discussing failures and learning from them is a great way to create a safe space for my team.
Recognize your bias. Everyone has some form of prejudice, whether we admit this or not. We must observe and label these. I also ask the people I trust to check for my blindspots here. Does it seem like I have a favorite team member?
Here are my top pet peeves as a Leader.
Copy-paste performance reviews. We know how to "find all + pronoun." and "replace all with a new pronoun." It shows how little you care about your team members. Personally, I find it quite disrespectful.
Fluffynator. Take out the fluff. Talk about specific accomplishments using agreed targets and key performance indicators. For example, when you say, "Jeng is a fantastic team player!". What does that mean exactly? How so?
This pause is part of "real" work. It may even be the most meaningful one you would do this year.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
What is Coaching?
I observed that when I talk about Coaching, many people still assume it also means Mentoring. Let's add Consulting and Therapy to the mix! What I learned from my Coach Mentors is that the main difference is in the approach.
Do I need to write another post about this? I did a Google search using the same sentence. It returned over two million results in 0.85 seconds! Talk about information overload. I am a minimalist. I will do my best to keep this as "short and sweet" as possible.
I am a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Like my fellow Coaches, I often start with the ICF definition and quote that Coaching:
Is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential
As an industry focuses on the growth of the individual
In a coaching relationship, a coach assumes the role of a "thought partner" and not of an expert.
I observed that when I talk about Coaching, many people still assume it also means Mentoring. Let's add Consulting and Therapy to the mix! What I learned from my Coach Mentors is that the main difference is in the approach. We group them into two:
Tell: Consulting and Mentoring - Consultants and Mentors offer solutions or help others by sharing their insights based on their expertise or experience.
Ask: Coaching and Therapy - Coaches and Therapists ask powerful questions to help people move forward. Therapists help people resolve challenges arising from the past and apply treatment so they can move forward. Coaches work on the assumption that each person is naturally creative, resources, and whole (I love this definition from the Co-Active Training Institute).
If there’s a toddler who heard the word "eating" for the first time and said, "What’s eating?". I could follow my lame approach above and say, "Eating is the act of ingesting something edible or not typically through the opening of the buccal cavity called the mouth".
It would be better to let the toddler watch someone eating and say, "Anak, that's eating.". The best approach, in my opinion, is to make them eat something. I highly suggest broccoli (Let them experience pain early on. We know resilience is an important life skill.). First-hand experience is the best way to learn something, in my opinion. This is why I offer free coaching sessions!
Like food, you will find that there is a diverse pool of Coaches. You would probably ask first whether Coaching is for you before you even look for the right Coach. I'll write my take on these in the new few weeks.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
Overcoming Overwhelm
It's been a tough past few weeks for me. After years of mindfulness practice and being a minimalist, I thought I'm better prepared for this pandemic. News of friends and their loved ones falling ill or worse, passing on, finally wore me down.
If you're going through something similar, know that you are not alone. I hope my journal entry this week helps you.
Over the past few weeks, I had to decompress. I worried about many things like back-to-back rejections, the wave of candles or black background replacing profile pictures on social media, and friends and their family members hit by this virus. Then one Sunday, out of nowhere, well not exactly, given what I just stated, I had what I thought was a heart attack.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression way back in 2007. I finally decided to seek professional help when I started sleeping in the middle of coaching conversations. I still remember catching myself mid-sentence sharing my home address with and seeing the shocked face of my now-kumare. We burst out laughing as she said, "Hoy! Matulog ka kaya?" (Hey! Get some sleep!). It was so embarrassing.
It gets easier over time. Someone once told me, "You have depression. It doesn't have you.". I can manage it better now. I know my triggers, built a solid support system, and embraced minimalism to reduce the many stimuli that overwhelm me. The pandemic created a whole new world. I thought I was ready for chaos after everything I've gone through in life, but I guess no one's an expert on the unknown. What I thought was a heart attack was my first ever panic attack.
I'm sure we are all going through some level of anxiety or worries these days. I did a few things to pull myself out of the rut. I guess they're nothing unheard of, but I hope it helps someone, anyone, who might come across these ramblings of mine.
To be Perfectly Whelmed:
I told a few people I was not feeling well.
I phoned a friend who made sure I got squeezed into my doctor's busy day.
I sang my heart out. Music is uplifting. I am grateful that none of my neighbors complained about the noise.
I followed a strictly no-multitasking policy. I did watch Netflix while eating. I did not listen to my usual playlist or podcast while doing chores.
I even came to the point where I started closing my eyes while doing the dishes. It was a mind-blowing discovery! I realized I never really listened to the tap running and felt the texture of my dishcloth. I noticed the delicate scent of my dishwashing liquid. Guess what? When I opened my eyes, I still did a good job! All sparkly clean!
In short, I had to do two things. First, I had to admit that I needed support (the first three things on the list above). Second, I had to be fully immersed in each moment (the last two things on the list).
Let's help one another! What are the small things you do or stop doing to keep your head clear these days?
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
On Favoritism
Favoritism can be a challenge. It can create a hostile environment for everyone involved. Thoughtfully considering how you respond to what happens around you matters a great deal.
Before she had fans of her own, my younger sister has been my number one fan. She followed me everywhere and did everything I did. She copied my penmanship and wore my clothes.
I remember being forced to sing at every family party where all relatives and people I don't know would gather. I would sing reluctantly each time. Then she takes center stage and grabs everyone’s attention with her version of all the latest TV ads and then dances the Hawaii 5-0 to everyone’s delight. The crowd would erupt to deafening belly-laughs and wide-eyed amazeballs expressions. She’s a natural.
The constant comparison to her effortless confidence and hearing my own parents say I had “inferiority complex” made me dislike her so much. I remember her crying when I refused to hug her. She never got any help from me from tying shoelaces to school projects. I thought, why would she need help if she’s that good?
I was so spiteful. I made sure I poured all the sisterly love I could to our youngest sister. She was really jealous and that made me happy. She can’t have everything. At that point, it had already gone on for too long. I just can’t be the Ate she wanted or needed. I was not there for her. I made her feel that way.
I am grateful for the hardships we had to face as sisters in the coming years because it gave me an excuse to be on her side. We had to stick together. Those years gave us a chance to finally get to know each other. She has since been my rock.
Favoritism can be a challenge. It can create a hostile environment for everyone involved. Thoughtfully considering how you respond to what happens around you matters a great deal. At work and as adults, there are various ways to deal with favoritism or perceived favoritism. Having a Coach who can help you navigate through this is one I offer.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
Performance Feedback: Peer Influence
Feedback is a gift. Sometimes you don’t like what you get but you receive it graciously always. We all try to assume positive intent. I did a few things differently and was glad I made an effort to work on it. If you’re anything like me perhaps these could work for you too.
In my previous organization, I was given the feedback that I needed to improve my influence among my peers. I mostly kept to my team and our deliverables. I could present well to stakeholders when I need to. I’ve never been great at big meetings with all my peers though. I am not socially awkward but I have zero skills at small talk.
Most of them would talk about current events and the latest trends. I always felt inadequate because I made a deliberate effort to avoid the news. I thought I’d inevitably hear about them from people around me anyway. I conserve my very limited energy for my priorities at the moment. I could always reach for the information I need when I need them. We live in a generation where Google is now a verb. We google everything so why bother? We even ditched our TV at home last year.
I sound like a total snob. I must have appeared that way. No one could read our minds. They only see how we behave.
Feedback is a gift. Sometimes you don’t like what you get but you receive it graciously always. We all try to assume positive intent. I did a few things differently and was glad I made an effort to work on it. If you’re anything like me perhaps these could work for you too.
Unlocking Peer Support
Seek help from mentors. Fortunately, my mentors have great charisma and my peers look up to them. I asked for their help. Apart from the tips I got from them, they also created opportunities for me to collaborate more with my peers on various projects.
Schedule regular catch-ups. I scheduled a recurring calendar invite with each peer. I am not great at big meetings but I thoroughly enjoy getting to know people through one-on-one conversations, over coffee, if possible. This gave me a chance to get to know each peer, what their priorities are, what they value and how we can best support each other. It’s always fun to discover our similarities and unique talents. If there’s a baggage counter where you could leave any perception or bias you may have with the person you are meeting, I highly recommend it. Be truly curious.
Be consistent. Relationships are built over time. In between those regular sessions, I would check-in on my peers. Whenever you can, offer some support. Cheer someone up. When you truly care about others, it will be felt and appreciated.
Talk behind their backs. Not about awful things. Let’s turn this thing around and spread kindness. Make sure you celebrate their wins by sharing it with others.
Let go. Let’s face it, you may not be everyone’s cup of tea. You will also not enjoy the company of some people. That is perfectly fine. Being authentic is important. Your wellness comes first. We can only serve others when we take good care of ourselves. Serve from your saucer. Keep that cup overflowing.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.