Coach’s Journal
Permission Slips We Never Got
Are you still waiting for permission to do something bold and fail? Wait no more.
Nobody ever sat me down and handed me a permission slip.
Not for changing careers. Not for wanting more than what I had. Not for being ambitious and soft at the same time. Not for crying in a bathroom at work, not for building something new when the old thing still sort of worked.
We spend a lot of our lives waiting for permission we were never going to receive. From parents. From managers. From the version of ourselves we thought we were supposed to be by now.
So here. I’m writing us some.
Permission to want something different without being able to fully explain why.
Permission to be tired. Actually tired. Without qualifying it or making it a productivity problem.
Permission to leave a room, a job, a relationship, a version of yourself — without a perfect explanation or a better option already lined up.
Permission to not have it figured out at the age you thought you would.
Permission to be proud of yourself in a year that also broke you.
Permission to love your work and still be allowed to rest from it.
Permission to be a good mother and a complicated woman at the same time.
Permission to change your mind. Again.
Permission to be exactly as uncertain as you actually are, without performing confidence you don’t feel.
Permission to take up space — in conversations, in rooms, in your own life — without pre-apologizing for it.
You don’t need someone’s signature on any of this. But in case you’ve been waiting anyway: here it is.
You’re allowed.
Overcoming Overwhelm
It's been a tough past few weeks for me. After years of mindfulness practice and being a minimalist, I thought I'm better prepared for this pandemic. News of friends and their loved ones falling ill or worse, passing on, finally wore me down.
If you're going through something similar, know that you are not alone. I hope my journal entry this week helps you.
Over the past few weeks, I had to decompress. I worried about many things like back-to-back rejections, the wave of candles or black background replacing profile pictures on social media, and friends and their family members hit by this virus. Then one Sunday, out of nowhere, well not exactly, given what I just stated, I had what I thought was a heart attack.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression way back in 2007. I finally decided to seek professional help when I started sleeping in the middle of coaching conversations. I still remember catching myself mid-sentence sharing my home address with and seeing the shocked face of my now-kumare. We burst out laughing as she said, "Hoy! Matulog ka kaya?" (Hey! Get some sleep!). It was so embarrassing.
It gets easier over time. Someone once told me, "You have depression. It doesn't have you.". I can manage it better now. I know my triggers, built a solid support system, and embraced minimalism to reduce the many stimuli that overwhelm me. The pandemic created a whole new world. I thought I was ready for chaos after everything I've gone through in life, but I guess no one's an expert on the unknown. What I thought was a heart attack was my first ever panic attack.
I'm sure we are all going through some level of anxiety or worries these days. I did a few things to pull myself out of the rut. I guess they're nothing unheard of, but I hope it helps someone, anyone, who might come across these ramblings of mine.
To be Perfectly Whelmed:
I told a few people I was not feeling well.
I phoned a friend who made sure I got squeezed into my doctor's busy day.
I sang my heart out. Music is uplifting. I am grateful that none of my neighbors complained about the noise.
I followed a strictly no-multitasking policy. I did watch Netflix while eating. I did not listen to my usual playlist or podcast while doing chores.
I even came to the point where I started closing my eyes while doing the dishes. It was a mind-blowing discovery! I realized I never really listened to the tap running and felt the texture of my dishcloth. I noticed the delicate scent of my dishwashing liquid. Guess what? When I opened my eyes, I still did a good job! All sparkly clean!
In short, I had to do two things. First, I had to admit that I needed support (the first three things on the list above). Second, I had to be fully immersed in each moment (the last two things on the list).
Let's help one another! What are the small things you do or stop doing to keep your head clear these days?
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
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