Coach’s Journal
Do You Actually Need a Coach? An Honest Answer, Five Years In
I wrote about this in 2021, carefully, the way people are careful when they’re new and afraid of sounding like a salesperson. Five years in, more plainly: most people don’t need a coach, and I’d rather say so than take the booking.
I wrote a post about this back in 2021, a few months into coaching. I’ve been thinking lately that I owe it a rewrite.
Not because I was wrong. Because I was careful in the way people are careful when they’re new and slightly afraid of sounding like a salesperson.
So, five years in, more plainly.
Most people don’t need a coach. I still believe that. There are people who are clear about what they want, moving toward it at a pace they’ve made peace with, supported by people who tell them the truth. If that’s you, keep your money.
There are also people who need something that isn’t coaching, and I’d rather say so than take the booking.
If what’s happening is grief, trauma, or a depression that’s been sitting on your chest for months, you need a therapist, and coaching will feel like being asked to plan a trip while the house is on fire. If what you need is someone who has done your exact job and can tell you how it’s done, that’s mentoring, and it’s often free — you just have to ask someone braver than you feel. If you need a diagnosis and a recommended fix, that’s consulting. I do none of those three.
What I actually do is narrower than people expect. I ask questions until you hear yourself say the thing you already knew.
That sounds small. It is not small. Most of the people I work with are not confused about the facts of their situation. They are extremely well-informed about their own lives. What they’ve lost is the ability to hear themselves think over the noise of everyone’s expectations, including the ones they inherited and never agreed to.
So the honest test isn’t am I struggling. Plenty of struggle doesn’t need a coach.
The test is closer to this: do you keep arriving at the same intersection and turning back? Have you had the same conversation with your friends four times and gotten sympathy instead of movement? Do you know what you want but can’t say it out loud without immediately explaining why it’s not practical?
That last one, especially. That’s the room I’m useful in.
And here’s the part I’d have been too shy to write in 2021. Coaching works when you bring something to it. The transformations I’ve watched didn’t happen because I said something brilliant. They happened because someone showed up willing to be uncomfortable for an hour, on purpose, repeatedly, and then went and did something about it during the week.
If you’re looking for someone to hand you the answer, save your money for something else. I don’t have it. You do, and I’ll be irritating about it until you say it.
Not everyone needs a coach.
But if you’ve read this far, you probably already know which one you are.
Love at Work
We don’t always love the work we have. On paydays we remember why we’re grateful for it — it provides for the people we love. But we are usually only seen as the work we do. Accountant. Analyst. Rarely as people.
We don't always love the work we have. Every so often though, and usually, on paydays, we are reminded of why we are grateful for the work we have. It provides for us and our loved ones.
We are usually only seen as the work we do - accountant, analyst. We want to be appreciated for who we are as people. We want to be noticed and feel loved.
If you're pretty sure others feel like this too, will you spread some love today and do a few random acts of kindness?
Some things we can do today:
Bring all your loose change and fill the vending machines at work with a few pesos for the next person.
If it looks like there will be rain today, bring an umbrella. Help a stranger with no umbrella to cross the street.
Give sincere compliments to people at work.
Look people in the eye when you greet them "Good morning" today.
Hug yourself at the end of the day and say, "I love you."
Let love spread today. This way, people get noticed. Our workplaces will, over time, be full of kindness and people who care about each other.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 19 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
The Pause
I've not posted anything in the past two months. I told my brand consultant in November, "I'm sorry I've not posted anything this week." She said, "It's your website! No sorry required." It was like a deep breath that relaxes your shoulders down. All the muscles on my face relaxed too. It felt like I had to get a permission slip to pause when the choice was entirely mine.
I've not posted anything in the past two months. I told my brand consultant in November, "I'm sorry I've not posted anything this week." She said, "It's your website. No sorry required." It was like a deep breath that relaxes your shoulders down. It felt like I had to get a permission slip to pause when the choice was entirely mine.
It was starting to become a chore. I've not made writing part of my daily mindfulness rituals. Systems are not in place to help me enjoy this on good days and power through on not-so-good ones.
Meanwhile, I have been pretty great at living in the analog world. I've taken better care of myself. I get at least eight hours of sleep every day, except last NY eve. I've been walking for a full hour in the mornings. I found some low-impact zero equipment workouts that I enjoyed. I tracked what I ate. All these things gave me more energy to be fully present with each person I spent these days with. Even when confined within the four corners of Zoom, I've been able to fill the virtual space with the energy to build beautiful connections.
Everything seems to be working just fine for me then, right? So why am I writing again now? I am a minimalist. This extends to my consumption, and now creation, of information. During this digital pause, I reflected on why I started doing this. Is that still meaningful to me? I realized it still is a crucial part of the inner work that needs to be done in my journey of becoming the future me.
No bullet points to share. Just a call to some much-deserved rest. Whatever that means for you. Give yourself a break. Strike a PAUSE.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 19 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
Do I really need a Coach?
Not everyone needs a Coach. I know a lot of successful, fulfilled, and happy people who just have it all going for them right now. They have balance. They are crystal clear about their goals and purpose in life. So when do you need one?
Not everyone needs a Coach. I know a lot of successful, fulfilled, and happy people who just have it all going for them right now. They have balance. They are crystal clear about their goals and purpose in life. Just like in that Lego movie, "Everything is awesome!"
Here are a few signs you DON’T need a Coach right now:
You do not foresee any major challenges coming up in the future.
You have a clear and perfectly curated path ahead of you.
You are surrounded by your favorite team of champions who can tell you about your blindspots.
On the other hand, you may need a Coach when:
You are stuck in a rut. Dark clouds seem to be everywhere, every day.
You can't seem to find time to define your purpose and goals in life. You are always caught in the whirlwind of endless daily tasks.
You seek more balance in your life.
You can't remember the last time you accomplished something significant or felt truly alive.
You are ready to set some bold goals and kick ass in 2022!
If you believe you need something to be radically different in the coming days, having a Coach can help you get there faster. Ruminating about all the things that aren't going well now does nothing but keep you stressed.
Einstein said, "The classic definition of crazy is to continue to do things the same way and expect different results."
Once you decide you need a Coach, finding the right one is the next important step. We’ll cover that soon!
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.
What is Coaching?
I observed that when I talk about Coaching, many people still assume it also means Mentoring. Let's add Consulting and Therapy to the mix! What I learned from my Coach Mentors is that the main difference is in the approach.
Do I need to write another post about this? I did a Google search using the same sentence. It returned over two million results in 0.85 seconds! Talk about information overload. I am a minimalist. I will do my best to keep this as "short and sweet" as possible.
I am a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Like my fellow Coaches, I often start with the ICF definition and quote that Coaching:
Is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential
As an industry focuses on the growth of the individual
In a coaching relationship, a coach assumes the role of a "thought partner" and not of an expert.
I observed that when I talk about Coaching, many people still assume it also means Mentoring. Let's add Consulting and Therapy to the mix! What I learned from my Coach Mentors is that the main difference is in the approach. We group them into two:
Tell: Consulting and Mentoring - Consultants and Mentors offer solutions or help others by sharing their insights based on their expertise or experience.
Ask: Coaching and Therapy - Coaches and Therapists ask powerful questions to help people move forward. Therapists help people resolve challenges arising from the past and apply treatment so they can move forward. Coaches work on the assumption that each person is naturally creative, resources, and whole (I love this definition from the Co-Active Training Institute).
If there’s a toddler who heard the word "eating" for the first time and said, "What’s eating?". I could follow my lame approach above and say, "Eating is the act of ingesting something edible or not typically through the opening of the buccal cavity called the mouth".
It would be better to let the toddler watch someone eating and say, "Anak, that's eating.". The best approach, in my opinion, is to make them eat something. I highly suggest broccoli (Let them experience pain early on. We know resilience is an important life skill.). First-hand experience is the best way to learn something, in my opinion. This is why I offer free coaching sessions!
Like food, you will find that there is a diverse pool of Coaches. You would probably ask first whether Coaching is for you before you even look for the right Coach. I'll write my take on these in the new few weeks.
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
Book My Free Coaching Session with Jeng.