Coach’s Journal
The Morning I Stopped Rushing
There's a version of me that used to wake up already behind. Before my feet hit the floor, my brain was already running the list. I didn't realize how exhausting that was until I stopped doing it.
There’s a version of me that used to wake up already behind.
Before my feet hit the floor, my brain was already running the list. Emails to send, calls to prep for, the thing I forgot to do yesterday that would catch up with me today. I was efficient. Productive. Perpetually five minutes ahead of something falling apart.
I didn’t realize how exhausting that was until I stopped doing it.
It wasn’t a dramatic decision. There was no retreat, no burnout breakdown (well — not that morning, at least). I just woke up one day and decided not to rush. I made my protein shake. Yes, this is my peak Pilates-Tita era. I sat with it. I watched the light change in the room. I did nothing productive for twenty minutes, and the world did not end.
Here’s what I’ve noticed since I started doing this more: my mornings now feel like they belong to me. Not to my inbox. Not to my to-do list. Not to whatever crisis is waiting on the other side of my phone screen.
We talk a lot about morning routines — the 5 AM club, the journaling, the cold showers. I’m not here to sell you a routine. I’m here to tell you that the most radical thing I’ve done recently is simply… slow down. Not because I have less to do (I don’t). But because I finally accepted that arriving everywhere breathless wasn’t a badge of honor. It was just a habit. A very expensive one.
I’m a solo parent. I work full-time. I run a coaching practice on the side. There is always something that needs doing, and there will always be something that needs doing. That used to feel like a reason to rush forever.
Now it feels like a reason to protect the quiet while I can.
My son knows I work hard. He knows this is how we make things work. He’s never once asked me to stop — not directly. But I’d be lying if I said I never wonder what he holds quietly, the things kids don’t say out loud but carry anyway. The unspoken tally of days spent not seeing each other and just not being there.
I don’t have a clean answer for that. What I do have is this: I’m learning to be more present in the pockets of time we do have. Not perfect — present. And it starts in the morning. With coffee and crepe - our thing. With slow.
You don’t have to earn the right to not rush. You just have to decide.
Overcoming Overwhelm
It's been a tough past few weeks for me. After years of mindfulness practice and being a minimalist, I thought I'm better prepared for this pandemic. News of friends and their loved ones falling ill or worse, passing on, finally wore me down.
If you're going through something similar, know that you are not alone. I hope my journal entry this week helps you.
Over the past few weeks, I had to decompress. I worried about many things like back-to-back rejections, the wave of candles or black background replacing profile pictures on social media, and friends and their family members hit by this virus. Then one Sunday, out of nowhere, well not exactly, given what I just stated, I had what I thought was a heart attack.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression way back in 2007. I finally decided to seek professional help when I started sleeping in the middle of coaching conversations. I still remember catching myself mid-sentence sharing my home address with and seeing the shocked face of my now-kumare. We burst out laughing as she said, "Hoy! Matulog ka kaya?" (Hey! Get some sleep!). It was so embarrassing.
It gets easier over time. Someone once told me, "You have depression. It doesn't have you.". I can manage it better now. I know my triggers, built a solid support system, and embraced minimalism to reduce the many stimuli that overwhelm me. The pandemic created a whole new world. I thought I was ready for chaos after everything I've gone through in life, but I guess no one's an expert on the unknown. What I thought was a heart attack was my first ever panic attack.
I'm sure we are all going through some level of anxiety or worries these days. I did a few things to pull myself out of the rut. I guess they're nothing unheard of, but I hope it helps someone, anyone, who might come across these ramblings of mine.
To be Perfectly Whelmed:
I told a few people I was not feeling well.
I phoned a friend who made sure I got squeezed into my doctor's busy day.
I sang my heart out. Music is uplifting. I am grateful that none of my neighbors complained about the noise.
I followed a strictly no-multitasking policy. I did watch Netflix while eating. I did not listen to my usual playlist or podcast while doing chores.
I even came to the point where I started closing my eyes while doing the dishes. It was a mind-blowing discovery! I realized I never really listened to the tap running and felt the texture of my dishcloth. I noticed the delicate scent of my dishwashing liquid. Guess what? When I opened my eyes, I still did a good job! All sparkly clean!
In short, I had to do two things. First, I had to admit that I needed support (the first three things on the list above). Second, I had to be fully immersed in each moment (the last two things on the list).
Let's help one another! What are the small things you do or stop doing to keep your head clear these days?
About Jeng
Jeng Macalagay is a Career Coach who has 18 years of work experience in various industries. Over 10 years of which were in Human Resources where she led the people strategies on Talent Management, Performance Management, and Leadership Development.
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