What I Wish Someone Had Told Me at 35

I turned 35 in the middle of what I thought was the right life.

Good job. Good performance reviews. A clear ladder in front of me. I had done everything I was supposed to do, in the order I was supposed to do it. And I felt, quietly but persistently, like I had somehow missed a turn several years back without knowing it.

Nobody tells you that you can be on track and still be lost.

Here’s what I wish someone had said to me at 35:

The discomfort you’re feeling is not ingratitude. It’s your instincts. Don’t talk yourself out of it just because your life looks fine from the outside.

Being good at your job and being fulfilled by it are different things. You can have one without the other for a long time. Not forever.

The things you keep gravitating toward in your spare time — the coaching conversations, the people problems, the “can I give you a thought on that?” — those are not hobbies. Those are signals.

You are allowed to build a career that fits who you actually are, not who you were when you started.

You will lose things in the rebuilding. Some of them will be losses you grieve. Not all of them will matter as much as you fear.

Your son is watching everything. Not to judge you — to learn what’s possible. What you model now is what he’ll believe about work, about identity, about whether a person can change course without falling apart.

The courage to change is not reckless. It’s one of the most responsible things you can do — for yourself, and for the people who are quietly watching you figure out how to live.

At 35, I had more time than I thought. And less than I assumed I could waste.

Why I Started Coaching

Short answer: I wanted to be there for the younger me.

It has not been an easy journey. Before I got to where I wanted to be in terms of financial stability and wellness, I went through countless tough times. People who know me and my story would always say I am resilient. What I know for sure is that I got a lot of help. I had them from friends, family and mentors. 

The best mentors are ex-bosses who continue to lift me up. Most though, I’ve not even met to this day. I read or listened to their books and podcasts countless times though. I summarized everything I learned, wrote them down and turned to action what I could. I tracked the impact those actions made on my daily life. Kept the ones that worked and chucked the ones that did not serve me well. It took me years to arrive at a playbook that works. 

Having a Coach is a totally different experience. I thought coaching is something I’ve done in the past eighteen years working with various teams. At some point, I thought I'd done well too. It’s only been three years though since I learned what professional coaching is all about. It’s something that could have propelled me to success early on. It is vastly more powerful than what I initially envisioned. 

Promise to the 20-year old me

This is not a new career chapter. It’s an entirely new book for me. I am still working on my credentialing. I am enjoying the conversations I have with my coachees. I love the courage they bring in every session and the transformations we witness together. 

These past few months made me realize how Coaching could have made my younger years less painful. How I could have taken better care of myself. How I could have had ready tools in my arsenal for when things do not go as planned. I wrote a letter to my younger self to let her know that things did get better. I also made a promise to be there for the younger ones. To hold space for them. Those who may not have access to “Executive Coaches” at this point but definitely want to pivot and make the next chapter of their lives mean more. Let’s collab now!

Quitting in the Time of COVID

Everyone was surprised when they learned that I quit my corporate job. This pandemic brought us down to our knees. Many lost their jobs. Companies closed. We were forced to stay home and physically apart from our loved ones. 

Meanwhile, I was doing well. One of the lucky ones spared. I loved my team. They are the best! I had awesome friends at work. We had work that always pushes us to do better. We have great benefits. I was earning more than I needed. 

Nothing was bad but there was also nothing that lit me up anymore. For several months before I finally quit my job, I have been talking about Coaching with my boss, mentors, and peer coaches within the company. I started coaching outside work hours. I read and listened to countless Coaches and coaching demo sessions. 

Like a brewing divorce, I saw it coming. It’s not exactly cheating if your boss and everyone knows about it, right? At some point though, we just knew it was time. I was ready and I had an amazing succession pipeline. Did I say I had the best team? Yes!

3 things to consider

I only had three things I was sure of before I quit - my Why, Cash, and If/ Then plan. 

1. My reason for leaving is the most important part of it. It had to be more than my dream to just stay in bed all day. Oh but there are some days I get to do that now. That’s for another post. I left my job not because I wanted a pause. It cannot be just an escape. I wanted a more mindful daily life. I am taking a stand on wellness and simplicity. I carefully curated the things I want to enjoy and even the ones I would allow myself to be stressed about. 

2. How much I needed to make this happen is another consideration. I knew I would not be earning the same income. I had to drastically reduce my expenses. I unsubscribed from so many things I felt I did not need on a daily basis. I sold a LOT of things too. My friends thought I was going through another depressive episode. I was actually taking a bold step to prevent any such episodes in the future. I even sold my bed and the whole cabinet! I have less things and more time to actually enjoy living. 

3. To those who love If/Then’s, ya nerds! I like to apply my basic Excel knowledge in real life. Things are always exciting and fun at the beginning. I know I will enjoy my honeymoon period with Coaching. I also know though that there might be a time when I would lose courage and focus. I am lazy and sometimes easily distracted. Oh a rainbow! Unicorn! Anyhoo, my point is, knowing what those potential pitfalls are and what I would do, who I would reach out to when those happen are essential. 

Soon as I had all three ready I went on and just did it. I know it may not apply to all at this point, but for those who have been contemplating it for a while now I hope this helps.