I wrote a post about this back in 2021, a few months into coaching. I’ve been thinking lately that I owe it a rewrite.
Not because I was wrong. Because I was careful in the way people are careful when they’re new and slightly afraid of sounding like a salesperson.
So, five years in, more plainly.
Most people don’t need a coach. I still believe that. There are people who are clear about what they want, moving toward it at a pace they’ve made peace with, supported by people who tell them the truth. If that’s you, keep your money.
There are also people who need something that isn’t coaching, and I’d rather say so than take the booking.
If what’s happening is grief, trauma, or a depression that’s been sitting on your chest for months, you need a therapist, and coaching will feel like being asked to plan a trip while the house is on fire. If what you need is someone who has done your exact job and can tell you how it’s done, that’s mentoring, and it’s often free — you just have to ask someone braver than you feel. If you need a diagnosis and a recommended fix, that’s consulting. I do none of those three.
What I actually do is narrower than people expect. I ask questions until you hear yourself say the thing you already knew.
That sounds small. It is not small. Most of the people I work with are not confused about the facts of their situation. They are extremely well-informed about their own lives. What they’ve lost is the ability to hear themselves think over the noise of everyone’s expectations, including the ones they inherited and never agreed to.
So the honest test isn’t am I struggling. Plenty of struggle doesn’t need a coach.
The test is closer to this: do you keep arriving at the same intersection and turning back? Have you had the same conversation with your friends four times and gotten sympathy instead of movement? Do you know what you want but can’t say it out loud without immediately explaining why it’s not practical?
That last one, especially. That’s the room I’m useful in.
And here’s the part I’d have been too shy to write in 2021. Coaching works when you bring something to it. The transformations I’ve watched didn’t happen because I said something brilliant. They happened because someone showed up willing to be uncomfortable for an hour, on purpose, repeatedly, and then went and did something about it during the week.
If you’re looking for someone to hand you the answer, save your money for something else. I don’t have it. You do, and I’ll be irritating about it until you say it.
Not everyone needs a coach.
But if you’ve read this far, you probably already know which one you are.
